Blood-thirsty monster or forlorned despairing existentialist?

For a long time, enveloping my mind is a living rotting animal, but how can I ever get rid of such things when I have an attachment to a living corpse? Rather, the pondering of questions often bring me great disorder, but consciously I realize the gravity of the situation. To stay to only become a monster thirsting for all of its blood to drench my mind, but live in prison now and later free or do I cast aside and admit the other path of my past as erroneous and, perhaps, unjustifiable for myself and others surrounding me?

Let me be clear, I wish to live like a human, monster no more-- to be banished, for I've thirst too long for blood to be shed and its life snuffed out. No more. It is time for me to be thrown into the world (again).