Perpetual Motion

I must keep moving. Otherwise, I will get rusty and never get to where I want to be. There's this other thing-- when I finish them I must make new destinations in my life and with the people there. When I am continuous I shall be eternal and great.

The world has entered me in a stage. It is now my will-- to engage in what I am thrown into.

Feelings of aliveness and faith overcoming my being. I am very appreciative for life and what it has to offer in this world. A Satanic Christian atheist who believes- absurd isn't it? Not I!

Ah that familiar feeling of sorrow and hurt. It has come to wreck my condition and soul. Whether the rapture comes matters not, for my wish is just peace and niceties with you.

Limited

I live a life of limitation constantly reminded by my constraints of my physical self and sub/conscious paths that I take. When I take a look at others what comes out is the utter unabashed selves in expressions of carelessness, rawness with less regard of folks around them. Sudden spurts of energy, maybe even built up over time, sometimes hurtful, and at other times with lack of accountability to the self. They seem to be responsible for no one, even themselves.

However, how others live sometimes brings out some envy on my part. Sometimes I wish to live in complete idiotic hedonistic freedom. But I am constantly reminded of my limitations. Perhaps I shall live in a bridge-- in between, in limbo, in middle path, dialectically.

I love her.

Response to our ups and downs.

Happiness is all-- and a fleeting cyclical spiral that tends to lift but then drifts away. Like awe-inspiring deities gnostically leaving you to your own devices. To be in despair, anguish, anxiety, but to be responsible for your own. That is the motivation. Strive to be god- happy and this time stay a while.

Tender Self

Once arrived
I understood what you mean
This being
Swayed by winds
Warmth or chill
Felt soothing
And growth
Or shivering in roots,
losing leaves
Recognize the fleeting
Existence we lay
From whence we came
In days of calm
Alone and well planted
But the urge
To feel stands strong

The Currents

Shit descending a narrow bottomless pit to only hit up against a wall and stick a brief moment in time. Once free, falls again deep down forever-- appreciative of those minor breaks and the anticipation for the end summons anxiety.

Adapting.

"The red candy, along with my memories melts away, until there is nothing."- Dir en grey.

New endeavors leave me blind, but focused. There is a lack of assurance when doing anything, but the biggest question is: is it worth it? It must be worth something in our meaning making or our paths to become full human beings-- otherwise we will fail to grow and continue having infantile neurosis, which I still suffer from. 

Every time I hit a roadblock or go by individuals who discourage me I feel more and more stuck. I lose the energy and leave behind my will to power, will to love, or will to live. Independence is extremely important because if it's not the case then we're still free to become independent. The very important thing for me now is whether I will effectively do what I say or live in a hole some place else.  

Suffer well, but suffer with motivation to independence.