Belief

Belief is beyond repair. Implemented naught, dark days into nigh moods of wrought. To continue, one may be uttering unintelligible cliches off the back of their minds. The imbalance wrecks, and I am now malice. Others, I wonder what they would say?

Feeling quite drained. My soul, my being, my existence is going down. Harder to move while working. The amount of money spent here for people's enjoyment, escapism, and brief relief is rooted in something I tend not want to be part of-- that is a cyclical order of being that reproduces this particular ideology.

Movement slower, joints creaking, heart pangs, and head severance.

Life is the grandest thing offered to us. Other people tell us we can do whatever we want, but it's hard not to be shaped by the world. What we bring to the table can be discounted, at least we tried, but the reaction of others is what effects us the most-- makes us for who we are. We think in terms of making others understand or reject that stance altogether because we are in the public sphere.

We desire validation of ourselves, but focusing particularly what makes us whole. Facts are the hardest thing for us to accept, especially when it is in relation to the self. The facts about us are painful and liberating at the same time, but the facts of others and the environment they are part of is what I am indifferent the most to. They live life in regression and idiocy; sake for sake itself, but for what purpose? The fact is I am invalidating others too, but is it more valid that my focus is not upon cultural customs or etiquette? Does it matter when something is being ignored about the world on purpose?

Someday, I hope to see that, to the end, our lives are fulfilled. However, all we have left are fixations, anxieties, and a lust to override all negative feelings, concerns, and torment.

I really wish to see this world crack open to reveal contents within for others to feel. To see the world for what it is: infected gaping hole, festering and oozing with pus, as an agonizing hell of internal pain. I want it for all.

Conscious

Waking with dream
lusting for desire
shifting while stagnant
enveloping into wilderness
shaking and torment

Approaching a life of wanton satisfactions, I further engage myself with a fluid existence. With deepening confusion, a lost desire to find my way anywhere.

I'd say look beyond what you want, but it is a hard journey to embark upon. Waiting for that catalyst can also be dreadful, for when it comes it hits hard and pushes you forward. Brother, sister, persons, I wish you all good luck. Keep those sails up and rudders pointing in the direction you want. There is only one direction you can go, against the ocean's currents to another destination to seek new lands, treasures, or adventures. Whatever you may find out there enjoy it for a brief amount of time and then move on.

With an erroneous existence,
I creak as I bend my bones
Entangled in a cloud of myself
Wreaked and disastrous
Blame goes not external
Only internalized and hatred
Do I dare to exist further?

Frozen, reactive, waste
Kneaded inwardly
In tutelage
Broken rusty soul
As no foundation
Within arms
Wrapped in slumber and warmth